I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
