he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
