evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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