Are we in a gay sports bar?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
