They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
