am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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