YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
