Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
