end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
