i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dicks are not precious.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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