Just cropdusted the office
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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