Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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