I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
