She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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