you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why is half of my head shaved?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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