please come you make the beer taste better
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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