dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
