she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
