so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's get the cat blown out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
