New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
