that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize