Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I color on your dick again?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
