About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Help. Why am I so naked?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
