I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize