the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
