its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
