Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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