Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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