So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
