I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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