a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
