I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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