Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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