I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
