True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
