Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
