Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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