I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
God, I missed his penis.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
