Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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