Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
