I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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