I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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