Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just had sex on a roof
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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