Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
