I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
