i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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