I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
