I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
