Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
