How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
