it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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