I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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