i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
