The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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