I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
