Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My balls are so social today.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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