Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
