I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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