We won't sleep together?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
