Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
