He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
