How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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