How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
