trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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