she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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