Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
