he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
