i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
