Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
