loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
