hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
