I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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