he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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