Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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